In Which I Fainted In Bikram Yoga

So we all know I have major issues with winter here in the Great White North, right? Serious ones. What can I say, I am a Texas girl through and through.

This November and December I tackled the issues head on with exercise. Once my initial yoga groupon ran out I went ahead and signed up for another, since the sun still goes down too early to do a good run. Bikram, y'all. You know, where the room is 105 degrees. Great idea when it is 20 degrees outside and the sun goes down at 4:45, right? Sure it is.

So I went to my first class. Tried to drink tons of water that day, like they recommend. Brought my mat, water bottle, and towel like a good girl. Signed the waiver saying I and my nearest and dearest wouldn't sue if I died. Later regretted that one. Wore less/tighter clothing than I am generally comfortable with. Tiny biker shorts and tank top, if you are wondering.

Initially the room felt great. It had only been getting up to like 30 degrees outside, so the heat was most heavenly. But then there were about 40 people in the class. All of them breathing, for some reason. Which creates lots and lots of humidity. Also, {any boys skip this!!} it was the first day of my monthly friend, which means I had some crazy hormones/cramps going on. I thought a heated room and exercise would be great for that, right? Wrong. It gets better. Aren't you so glad I'm sharing my humiliation for you to laugh at?

The whole experience felt great right up til the 8th pose. See?

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After Pose #8, my head came up and the room went down. All kinds of shaky and wacky. Once I realized that in fact I might pass out, I made a run for the door. Fortunately I was on the same side of the room as the double door. Of which only one side opened. As the room was getting progressively blurrier and shakier, I vividly remember reaching for a door handle and thinking, "This better be the door that opens or I'm goin' down. Right here in the classroom. And I will die of humiliation and never show my face here again." Luckily, I chose wisely and made it out.

Reaching for the handle is the last thing I remember. Blessedly, I did not in fact face plant onto the ground when I passed out. There is a God. I just "woke up" some time later in a forward bend with my fingers on the ground. Having no idea where I was, what I was doing, what time it was, what day it was, etc. I slowly figured out I was in bikram yoga and that thank God, the room was no longer going wiggly. So I sat down, cooled off, and when back in.

As it turns out, I only left for the 9th pose and was back in time for the 10th. But I really felt like I was out for like 15 minutes. Meanwhile, all the sexy bikram people were just grooving along with their poses, all smooth-like. Unlike me, they also had the good sense to remove their mascara before spending 90 minutes sweating in a heated room. I went home and told Mr. Snoop I almost died. He said, "Did it also make you cry?" Yep, on top of passing out I had mascara running all the way down my face. No amount of cute yoga gear makes that a good look, y'all.

Has anyone else ever passed out in bikram, or am I just the Wimp Of All Wimps? I suspect that I am. And just fyi, I did go back for a second class and really enjoyed it. So don't let me tale of woe prevent you from trying bikram!