Ugliest Shorts in the World

So I haven't been keeping y'all up to date.  As usual, it is because I am a paranoid weirdo.  Mr. Snoop has been in Texas the past month doing an away rotation.  I didn't want to put it on the internet until he came back (today!) because I'm afraid someone will come attack me in my lonesomeness (issues, I know).

While he has been having a fabulous time in Texas, I've been getting used to my alone time.  Most of the time it looks like this:

Me + Couch + Book + Shammy Boy.  Yeah, SB has pretty much been velcroed to me.  And it has been an issue.  Mr. Snoop is ShamBoy's person.  So in Mr. Snoop's absence he has had to make do with me.  It's been exhausting.  That cat requires tremendous amounts of love, at all times.  I don't know how Mr. Snoop does it.

Otherwise, while Mr. Snoop is away I do things like waste time at Loehmann's.  I was there the other day to take advantage of their end of summer sale.  BCBG and Michael Kors sweaters for $15?  Don't mind if I do.  While perusing the sale, I chanced upon The Ugliest Shorts In The World.  So naturally, I had to try them on.  Without a husband to feed, what else I am to do?  Don't worry, I documented it.  Front, Back, and Side views.  You're welcome.

I present to you:  D&G Diaper Shorts.

Please note the square of fabric in the middle.  It buttons on three sides.  Like a diaper.  And that's elastic at the leg-holes.  Oh but wait.

 

Ah yes.  You can see the monstrosity much better from this angle.  But the best is yet to come. (PS, recognize the evil giggle face?)

 

Shabam! 

 

I know, I know.  I should totally switch over from a I Live Far Away From Everyone So Here's a Blog So You Know I'm Alive-blogger to a fashion blogger.  I mean, check out that last pose.  Why aren't I a model with moves like that?

 

Seriously though, I know Dolce and Gabbana makes bizarre stuff.  But honestly.  Who wants to wear shorts that look like a diaper?  How is that flattering?  For $175 on sale? 

 

Basically it's a good thing Mr. Snoop returns today.  So that I can give up my life of being smothered by a cat while wearing a denim diaper.

 

The end.